Women don’t need to “just “soften and relax”

March 8th, 2026

After 14 years in service of women as a coach, mentor, blogger, podcaster, speaker, guide and facilitator of sacred women’s circles, there is nothing that angers me more than seeing the “divine feminine” reduced to softness and passivity, and the self-development industry telling women that they just need to relax and “be in their feminine.”

Workplaces are built around men’s biology and how men’s energy works: from office temperatures optimized for men in suits, to the worship of linear efficiency, linear productivity and constant energy.

Women’s health remains an uncharted territory after decades and decades of almost non-existant research into how women’s bodies and brains function.

Women are still asked in job interviews “If you join our team, how will you manage when your kids are sick?” As if all mothers were single mothers, or the only parent who knows the pediatrician’s address.

I have supported women for 14 years in many different ways and through many different modalities and I know 1000% that we can change and integrate our lost YIN (feminine) energy and heal our distorted YANG (masculine) energy. I know that women want and can relearn to rest and create in a cyclical way. I have seen women change, and then change everything around them: their teams, families, workplaces, companies, and businesses.

I have seen the ripple effect.

I have witnessed collective change over 14 years. I have created my THRIVE Formula and specific tools to support that transformation.

There is so much that can be done at our individual level, and we absolutely need to do this inner work.

But I have also seen that it is much easier for women who have a partner who cooks, does the laundry like a responsible adult without being asked, and wakes up at night when the baby cries (not just on special occasions) to “soften and relax”.

And I have also seen that it is much easier for women who work in environments willing to change and adapt to feminine leadership to create this ripple effect.

I know the power of my tools. They have directly helped hundreds of women and indirectly thousands over the years. But changing ourselves without addressing the bigger picture reinforces the idea that the burden is only on women to carry.

Yes, the patriarcal system is made of individuals. And when individuals change, the system changes.

When a critical mass is reached, the system flips.

That is the work I do in my practice: helping to build toward that critical mass.

And, at the same time...

We must address the bigger picture.

Because the answer is not to wait until all women have done this work.

We need to normalize cyclical energy (which clearly isn’t the case, judging by the comments Amber Glenn received when she spoke about having her period during the Olympics).

We need to educate everyone that women’s cycles are not inconvenient, they are an incredible super power.

We need flexible work weeks that allow women to live cyclically.

We need more research programs and treatments specifically designed for women’s health.

We need to reform how interviews are conducted with women and expose the mindset behind the questions journalists ask women.

We need postpartum to be a sacred, supported space, where women are nourished, hydrated, and cared for, not surviving on cold coffee.

We need to talk about the impact on women when they sacrifice their financial independence to provide emotional labor for their families.

We need to teach our sons what exactly doing their part in a relationship really means. And teach our daughters the questions to ask and the red flags to notice before entering one.

There is so, so much that must be addressed collectively.

When women are supported by their partners, communities, and laws, when patriarchy finally crumbles, women will still need to unlearn patriarchal conditioning that pushes us into unhealthy overuse of masculine energy and constant go-go-go, do-do-do mode.

But once we unlearn this, if patriarchy has been dismantled, our results will be far more sustainable.

Because telling women to “soften and relax” and “be in their feminine” without changing the dynamics in couples, families, workplaces, and communities is just another way of telling women to heal themselves in a sick system.